note to self: if you act like you don't want sex, you'll have him begging. [reverse psychology]

so for some reason i have been pissed off at the world. everytime i think that my fiance and i are the best couple in the world... i become a bitch on wheels and totally screw everything up. i think that my desire for sex is messing everything up. see, i went to church yesterday and everytime i go to church (he stays home) he always acts like he is not interested in me at all when i get home, like he had been masturbating for the 2 hours i was gone, and now he has no need for me. of course, that might have happened, it might not have happened. i will never know, seeing as how he lies about that saying he never does it [all men do it, i am not stupid- dispite my blonde hair]. (shit, how do you spell dispite?) anyway, so i go on thinking that he's more interested in playing with himself than me, then i get in a bad mood and practically start begging for it... and he tells me he's tired. UGGGGGHHHHH! i begin to wonder if its me... of course it's not me... i don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but i am hot. so that can't be it. so the whole rest of the day i end up sitting on the couch with him watching tv thinking... about why he won't do it with me. and then when he talks to me i yell out mean things... like "shut the fuck up"... "i don't give a shit"...etc. then he asks why i'm mad and i say i'm not mad [because thats what women do]. so i went to bed upset. and i hate when i do that. so today i made it my mission to: ACT LIKE I DON'T WANT HIM [EVEN THOUGH I DO] AND WEAR REALLY BAGGY CONSERVATIVE NON-SKIN SHOWING CLOTHES SO THAT HE WONDERS WHAT I AM HIDING UNDER THOSE BAGGY CLOTHES.

it sounds weird but i always wear provacative clothes and when i do, he doesn't want me, but when i wear big granny night shirts he says "why are you wearing that ugly thing?" then he proceeds to try to get me out of it. ugh... men... i don't think i will ever figure them out.

i don't want it to sound like he doesn't love me and that the sex isn't good... but after being together for almost 3 years, my sex drive is increasing, and his is staying-the-same/decreasing. i guess i just have to take up yoga or something and when i am horny [i hate that word, but there's no other word to describe it] i will just exercise or something. in two weeks i will have buns of steel, that's for sure.

dave song du jour: save me