note to self: rig hidden cameras all over the house

somehow i always manage to put my foot in my mouth. lately i have been speaking before i think about what i am saying. i have been so negative. about everything. i want to be nice, but then i go and say something stupid. i have been really hard on my fiance lately. for instance, this morning he told me that he is getting checkers for lunch. (i go home everyday for lunch so i eat pb&j or leftovers or something- i never go get fast food). so i said, "you always go and eat good stuff and you spend all your money on fast food." it sounds stupid and insignificant, put it really bothered him because everytime he says anything to me lately, i reply w/ a snotty remark. i don't want to do this anymore. i want to be a nice girl who he is happy to come home to.

i am going to try really hard to be nice this weekend. i have to go and clean my grandma's tomorrow and then i have to highlight my mom's hair (i am an amatuer hairstylist- i haven't had any education on it, i just do it and it turns out good). so he is going to be all by himself tomorrow for most of the day. that bothers me. i know i should trust him and i shouldn't care what he does when i am not home, but i do wonder what he is doing when i am not home. i picture him looking at porno all day on the computer and watching all the dirty parts in all our movies and masturbating. we don't have dirty movies, i am just talking about the parts in rated R movies where they have the 1/2 naked women (all rated r movies have 1/2 naked women and it makes me sick- i want to watch a movie where they show 1/2 naked men. why can't they show a huge penis now and then? movies have no problem showing big boobs all the time. it is the same thing. i am sick of it!) so anyway, that is what i picture. yeah, then by the time i get home, he'll be so tired of all that crap that he won't pay me any attention. he won't have sex w/ me b/c he's already had sex w/ himself multiple times.

you know... i either have a sick mind, or i am right on the money. guys are gross. if they really do the stuff i described above, they should be caged like a dog when left home alone. i seriously am thinking that i don't want to have anything to do with men. but i am not attracted to women at all, so i guess i would be SOL.

men, you can't live with 'em... you can live without them, you'd just be really horny all the time. it's a loose loose situation.

dave song du jour:
'Oh'
'i love you oh so well, like a kid loves candy and fresh snow'