note to self: friends, who needs 'em

my life has not been very interesting lately. i guess that's why i haven't been writing lately. i had a weird dream last night. i dreamt that me and this guy (i knew i knew the guy, but i could never see his face so i couldn't tell who he was, but i knew that i knew him) and a couple of his friends were going somewhere traveling and we were supposed to go sight seeing (i forget, but its not important) but the guy had already paid for this really fancy hotel room and so we (me and him) decided we would just stay in the hotel and then the other people disappeared. so when i met him at this hotel it was like you had to drive through all these fancy houses and then this mansion had our "room number" on it. so when i went up to the door, i had to slide the credit card looking key into the door and then it popped open. when i walked in it was amazing. then i went over to the guy (i still don't know who he was b/c i still couldn't see his face) i kissed him on the neck and then i walked away. then i remember he had a really nice laptop and i dropped something on the screen and it cracked (i don't even know if that is possible) and then i closed it up like it never happened.

and that was it.

well, that's all that i can remember.

another thing that i remember is that in the dream, he said that he paid $48 a night to stay in the hotel room (mansion). that's crazy. i wish that hotel was in real life.

anyway, so i am getting married soon. sometime between now and april 6th. [everytime i say that, people say- "why? are you pregnant?" and the real reason we are getting married before april 6th is because my fiance' has to take a week vacation before then or else he will loose his vacation time.] so when he gets his vacation, i am going to take mine, then we are going to the courthouse to get married. i bought a dress already like 6 months ago, but i am not going to have a ceremony so i am just going to take pictures in my dress and rent my fiance' a tuxedo. that's all i want- pictures! it is kind of scary- the whole marriage thing. things keep flying through my head about like, what if he cheats on me? what if we end up hating each other? (which i think is impossible b/c we have been through so much together and we still love each other)... what's weird is that, in the last 6 months, 4 of my past boyfriends have contacted my parents looking for me. thank god they never give them my cell phone number or anything. but, i just think that is weird. and i think the reason they are all looking for me is because i am a damn good girlfriend. i am romantic, thoughtful, spontaneous, etc. and i treat them good. i always try to stay friends after the break up. and usually, all of them are the ass holes, so after thinking about how they were assholes to me after we broke up, they call me 3-4 years later and tell me they're sorry. it's kinda like: is God trying to send me a sign? should i be persuing them? but then i remember... i broke up with them for a reason.

the lady i work with [that's supposed to help me but we really just sit and gossip all day long] told me that its a sign. i don't think it is though. the scary thing is though, that i do not stay in contact with any of my old friends. in fact, i don't have any friends at this point in time. i just don't have time for them. i barely have enough time for my family. my brother and sister are my only friends, besides my fiance'. anyway, so when they call or comeover to my parents house and they tell me "hey, so-and-so stopped by/called", i get like hmmm, maybe i should call them- not b/c i want to hook up with them again, but because i just want to talk about the good 'ol times. and say "hey, remember when we..." that might sound weird, but i either need to get some new friends, or just forget about the old ones. the past is the past.

i know i could probably be friends with my old friends, but... they are all in college, partying every night, sleeping with anyone who will sleep with them, not working, being lazy... while I own a home, have a fiance', have 3 dogs who depend on me, have a full time job, and try to see my family once a week who live 45 minutes away-~- and i'm only 21. we are just in different worlds.

anyway, i guess it's just me, my fiance', and my dogs- they are my best friends

dave song du jour: granny